[RANT] Bands, Please Fucking Design Merch For Bodies That Aren't Just Mens
I hate to rain on my own parade amidst the launch of the limited edition deluxe version of Hyperspace complete with an ABSOLUTELY STUNNING visualizer of aforementioned album that were generated via an AI that was utilizing NASA JPL footage, but while the feelings are still fresh and I have a second, I’d like to share the experience of ✨Being A Super Fan Who Is Also A Womxn✨. ICYMI, in addition a truly beautiful and well made web experience that Beck made in collaboration with NASA, my favorite all time artist also unveiled a bunch of limited edition merchandise for pre-order to coincide with the collab.
Keep in mind that currently we are at the intersection of probably two of my favorite things: Beck and space. We can even add in the AI usage component into it, too. So, yeah, I was definitely hype. I was triple hype, even. So much so that I arranged my day around making myself available for the rollout of this because in addition to sharing a collective hype moment with other Beck fans, I know as a fan that scarcity is a thing and if there’s limited edition anything you can’t sleep on that shit.
So there I am, the deluxe version now pumping through my ears after watching the “Hyperlife” video premiere on YouTube (knowing that I’ll spend even more time absorbing those videos this evening), browsing the merch, when I see that there’s a shirt for “Dark Places”, a song that I have used to soothe me on my way out of a really rough patch of life, and click through to the detail page.
Within seconds I’m disappointed.
Please take a moment to look at the shirt below and tell me if anything calls out to you just at a quick glance. Don’t spend too much time on it, just take like…3 seconds.
images of Beck’s recently unveiled limited edition “Dark Places” shirt
Did anything stand out to you?
Knowing that I am in a particularly nitpicky mood today because my favorite things happen to be all working in concert for this particular moment, I used my go-to gut check on my reaction to this: the group text of girlfriends. Please observe:
That response was so fast I thought at first I thought she was responding to something else we had been talking about, but seconds later everyone else chimed in with their reaction and disappointment with the design choices on my behalf.
So why was I disappointed to see this?
Because boobs.
I got ‘em. Half the planet has ‘em, a lot of them are even trying to make theirs bigger. Boobs make designs like this look shitty. As my friend so quickly pointed out, that space blob is either going directly on one of my boobs or will be hidden directly under it.
Now I know someone on the world wide web might be skimming this rolling their eyes like, “JFC Kibbe there are multiple shirts just get one of the other ones why are you letting this upset you so much? 🙄” And yes, there’s another short sleeve design and a long sleeve one. But look at that long sleeve shirt. Do you see where the celestial body on the front would lay on a human body that resembles mine? Directly over my left chesticle all big as hell. 😑
I’m not trying to have a solo space titty right now, or probably ever. I’m just trying to be an AI Generated Beck Babe In Space™, you feel me? But because my body doesn’t appear to have been taken into consideration, I now am basically forced into one option unless I want to take a chance on the other two.
Do you know how incredibly frustrating that is?
Especially if you focus in on the NASA part of this equation for a second. NASA is constantly championing womxn in STEM in order to attract girls to get involved at an early age because there’s such a huge gender gap. To be clear, I cannot praise the work they did on this Hyperspace activation enough in terms of how beautiful the site and the videos look. I also adore how much they went out of their way to link to specific missions where the original footage for the videos came from. It’s not just a rich experience, it’s fucking gorgeous.
URL vs. IRL though…😞 They robbed me of some well deserved joy as someone so deeply passionate about both. The FOMO is real! 😩
I feel like I should make it clear that it’s really uncomfortable for me to point this out because overall from a design standpoint for his merch offerings, I’d say dude normally does a pretty good job of not letting this happen. Also because, you know, 💥I’m probably just being an overly sensitive womxn about this and when womxn stick their necks out on the internet weird shit happens.💥
But if you’re not a womxn, let me ask you something:
How often are you taking your body parts into consideration when you’re browsing a merch store (or pre-covid, a merch table)? Is it every single time?
Goddamn it sure is for me. This is something that since I have been old enough to go to shows by myself (which was well after puberty hit) that I have had to think about. I have no doubt other womxn are in the same boat. I see band shirts as the opportunity to invest in an artist that I love and have bragging rights about it. I fucking love them. Just in Beck shirts alone I currently have five of the fucking things in my closet. That said, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to choose something different because not just my body, but apparently my entire gender was overlooked. Which is so weirdly frustrating, especially when there’s data that supports that in terms of retail therapy shopping that womxn statistically spend more money than men on clothes, in addition to this 2011 study that gets referenced a good bit that says that womxn typically spend more on merchandise than men do (they’re more likely to spend more on recordings, respect).
It’s pretty standard for band shirts to be billed as “unisex”, at least in sizes. Occasionally womxn get thrown a bone and we are offered a few shirts that are cut to be more flattering to our beautiful curvy bodies, but often times the cuts aren’t of the same designs as the unisex shirts. Furthermore, if I’m being honest, most of the time I pass on those shirts because the designs just aren’t as interesting or cool as the shirts geared towards men/”everybody”. UPDATE: A friend in the group chat above also reminded me that even with those womxn sizes that most of the time those shirts run very petite which in womxn’s clothing equates to …not very boob friendly.
Let’s continue to use Beck’s merch store as an example to speak to this. Currently, there are four womxn-specific styles on the site for run of the mill merch, three of which are very simple (1, 2, and the 3rd technically isn’t labeled as such but I’m being generous). One is, well, very boob-centric. Womxn are already sexualized enough throughout our every waking moments, so designs like the one I actually find kind of interesting could make other womxn really uncomfortable because it might invite unwanted advances. I’m supposed to be hype about a pair of mouths full of cherries over my boobs? Hell no, I’m not trying to be victim blamed if I complain about cat calling. I’m exhausted enough tryna make sure old white men stop thinking they have a say in what I do with my body. Not surprised at all this shirt is from an album cycle ago and is discounted right now. Not at all.
So out of the 26 designs that I could possibly wear (as I cannot fit into a onesie these days), only four were specifically designed with my body type in mind, but even then I’m not convinced.
Look, I’m not asking for bands merch stores to be so bloated with duplicates across various shirt styles so womxn don’t feel left out of this equation. I know from firsthand experience how complicated it can get just juggling solely a variety of unisex shirts in terms of sizing when a band is on the road. I know bands don’t want to get stuck with a bunch of stuff that needs to be deep discounted in order to get it out of their house/garage/warehouse so they can make room for more designs. I get it, you want to offer a variety, it’s cheaper to buy in bulk, and you can’t please everybody. But like, could we put a little bit more effort for HALF OF THE POPULATION WHO STATISTICALLY LOVE TO SPEND MONEY ON APPAREL?
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
Instead of stressing over styles, allow me to propose a super short check list as a solution for any merch designers or bands out there who print on unisex shirts.
You ready?
From now on, consider asking yourself:
Does this look good on bodies that are….
FLAT (as in flat chested, aka the current default)
PHAT (as in Pretty Hot And Tempting bodies that belong to womxn)
FAT (why not take an extra second to make sure the design doesn’t lose it’s magic going on a 2XL/3XL shirt while you’re working on being more mindful?)
That’s it. Flat. PHAT. FAT. Say that shit three times fast. Flat. PHAT. FAT. Flat. PHAT. FAT. Flat. PHAT. FAT.
It sounds so silly but maybe it’s just ridiculous enough to actually fucking stick. Flat. PHAT. FAT.
Flat.
PHAT.
FAT.
One second per body, maybe three if you wanna round out the average to think about boobs while you’re designing (heh). All it takes.
So let’s go back to this Dark Places design that’s a bummer for boobies.. Please keep in mind that I slapped these together really quickly in Photoshop just to quickly visualize my point, so don’t come at me if something is off centered or whatever. But I wanted to point out that there were other ways to execute this design just by altering the placement with my body in mind that could be pretty fucking cool imo.
Ready?
Same placements, two different designs. They’re admittedly less artsy, sure, but both of these will look great on basically everyone. Hell, you could even leave the back text where it was on the original for the ⚡️aesthetic⚡️.
I’m feeling generous with my constructive criticism so here’s a couple more:
So this one might not work for 1 out of 3 of our check list. Again, not asking for EVERY. SINGLE. THING. TO. ALWAYS. BE. PERFECT. ALL. THE. TIME. I’m asking for an extra 3 seconds of effort to be more intentional with the ENTIRE audience in mind while designing. Might be cool to have something wrapped around the side of the shirt instead of totally front vs. back. I’ve seen them look good on lots of folks. It’s an option.
Okay one more and then I’m out of your hair I fucking promise:
BOOM. SNEAK ATTACK: DESIGN STYLE. Nothing on the front? Oh my you’re quite the thinker aren’t you? Subtly loving a band to death where only others can see easily. I like you, random fake Beck fan wearing this shirt. I don’t feel like cobbling together everything on the front of a shirt to show this idea in reverse, but do we get what I’m saying here?
Again, it doesn’t have to be perfect every single time, but when your limited edition merch is, well, limited, it would be nice if these were the times artists at least looked like they tried.
Never thought I’d be talking about my boobs on this corner of the internet, but here we are.
Flat. PHAT. FAT.
3 seconds. All I’m asking.
Flat. PHAT. FAT.
